Acen fun

So the other night, a friend of mine and I decided to have a little fun with one of the registration people over at Anime Central. My friend is somehow involved with the convention, and was able to go into their system and make me a registered, payed account. The following is an account of our email conversations.

to		Registration@acen.org
date		Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 1:23 AM
subject		Some quick questions...

Hi.
My name is Chris, and I'm a special needs person. Recently, I lost both of my legs in a terrible boating accident. I really enjoy anime, but I want to make sure that you can accommodate my personal needs before I register for your event.
First, I no longer have the ability to urinate without assistance. I need someone to hold me up at a stall while I urinate, because sitting at a stall makes me uncomfortable, and make me feel like less of a man. Can you accommodate me with this type of service? I would bring my own doctor, but I refuse to pay for this sort of assistance. I figure that since you are just a small and relatively unimportant convention company, you could provide this sort of assistance at no charge.
Second, I need to be first in line for registration, to receive badges and etc. The reason for this is, I have special legal requirements that are a part of my lawsuit with the boating company. If I am not treated with the utmost preferential care, your company could face equitable losses.
Third, since my accident, I have not been able to find a girl that enjoys being around me. I have serious breathing issues that require a breathing apparatus, as well as being confined to a motorized chair. What I need is a number of young females, of any age and demographic, to walk around with me and pretend to like me. Again, I would bring my own, but I am not familiar with the processes of prostitution, and no woman ACTUALLY wants to be around me.
Fourth, I am on a strict diet of pretzels and Mountain Dew. These need to be provided to me at all times, or I might pass out and die in your convention hall. And then you'd get sued.
Fifth, I love to role-play but cannot do it any longer. I need you to provide me with someone to role-play for me, in whatever game I choose. They have to be the best player with the most powerful character, and they cannot lose. If they do, I will probably sue you.
With these simple requests, I should be able to enjoy your convention, and attend year after year.

Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon.

Chris "Wheel Chair Piss Bag"

Then...

to		registration@acen.org
date		Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 1:47 AM
subject		I'm still waiting

I've noticed that you haven't responded to my email. This is very important. What sort of dog and pony show are you people running here?

Please respond soon.
Chris

Then, less than ten minutes later, I get a reply.

to Moribundi date Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 1:55 AM subject Re: I'm still waiting

hide details Oct 29 (2 days ago)

Please be patient concerning our reply to your email. Keep in mind Anime Central staff are all volunteers and the time of night it is. I see in your account you've purchased badge mailing. This means there will be no line for you since your badge is coming in the mail. We cannot accommodate the other requests you have made as it is not in our policies to supply these things. We hope you still plan on attending our event and can't wait to see you at ACen the 13th!

Chelsea Tessmann

Dept. Head of Registration

So, I reply...

to		"Chelsea Tessmann, Registration DH"
date		Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 2:00 AM
subject		Re: I'm still waiting

I will have to consult my attorney to determine whether or not you people can decline these services. I am fairly certain, each of my requests are allotted by the "Humans With Disabilities Act, sub-section 1276.8" and are in fact protected by federal law. Please allow me 24 hours to discuss with my legal advisory. I will respond as soon as I can.

to Moribundi date Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 2:06 AM subject Re: I'm still waiting

I know one thing we can supply you with. Free shuttle to the convention from your place of residence. I'm sure special needs won't mind giving up their short bus for a little bit. Your requests are ridiculous and we don't need to supply you with anything but a ramp to get your ass inside. BTW I'm changing your badge name from Wheel Chair Piss Bag to Wheel Chair Fail. Welcome to our fail club sir. If you have anymore questions comments or concerns please feel free to contact us. We can't wait to see you at ACen the 13th!!!

So, at this point, I'm laughing my ass off. The guy that's doing the registration is freaking out, because he thinks I'm fake, but clearly, I'm a paid and registered customer. If I can track down a transcript of the chat, I'll repost here...

to "Chelsea Tessmann, Registration DH" date Thu, Oct 29, 2009 at 2:09 AM subject Re: I'm still waiting mailed-by gmail.com

hide details Oct 29 (2 days ago)

I hope that your company is prepared to enter litigation. Your response is totally inappropriate and childish, and indicates a lack of care for the special needs of your community. I will be forwarding this email to my attorney and he will be contacting your company tomorrow.
Thank you,
Chris "Wheel Chair Piss Bag"