Yeah, so the whole writing/ blogging thing has kind of faded into obscurity in my life. It's something I miss and I'd love to get back to it. I'm going to overhaul this here joint, I think, and get rid of some of the detritus in the posts. Some of the old crap I've written is just pointless, and doesn't really have a place on my blog. I've been working on a few projects here and there, and I'm involved in the yearly Gen-Con hurrah, and that's been going steadily. As of late (like the last two years) it just hasn't occurred to me to write at all. It's not that I have nothing to say, I just haven't had the urge to sit down and type it out. I'm sitting here, drinking coffee, listening to the Joe Rogan Podcast, just trying to formulate a plan of attack for this blog. Should I keep it? Should I delete it? Stay tuned.

A Brick Is Just a Brick

You know what fucking annoys me? I get really annoyed by the tendency for people to have discussions about or make statements involving non-tangibles. For instance, when people say things like, "Oh, pray for my mom, she has cancer. Keep her in your thoughts," or, "I'm a Leo, and because of that, I'm strong-willed and outgoing." Recent twat post I read said, "Nurture strength of spirit 2 shield u n sudden misfortune. Do not distress urself w dark imagining. Many fears r born of fatigue&loneliness." Seriously? Let's analyze that post, aside from the blatantly obvious, this post clearly wasn't written by a person grounded in the realm of the intelligent.

First, "Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from sudden misfortune"
Ok, now I'm wondering, were it that we had some sort of "spirit", how in the FUCK would we nurture something we... oh, I don't know, CAN'T SEE??? Not to mention the fact that we are nurturing a specific aspect of said spirit. Just read this conversation for an example:


"Hey, Chris, what are you doing today?"
"Oh, not much, Ted. I'm just going to be nurturing the strength of my spirit by conjuring positive imagery from my dreamspace."
"Hmm, that's interesting. I was just going to shit in a prostitute's mouth, but that sounds way more fun."

If you ever told me, person to person, that you were nurturing your spirit, I'd kick you in the face. You might as well say that your facilitating the transmission of your soul waves, or that you're measuring your operating thetans with your new e-meter, you daffy fuck.
Now, in this excerpt, we are led to believe that if we nurture our spirit, this will in turn protect us from "sudden misfortune". Exactly what would YOU define to be SUDDEN? MISFORTUNE? To me, sudden misfortune would be something like, maybe a hurricane blows my fucking house down. Perhaps, someone robs me at gunpoint and then decides to shoot me for my seventeen dollars and my scuffed Nike shoes. Maybe, since the flake who wrote this is from California, the earth decides to take a giant shit on her and rain down a mudslide/forest fire/earthquake orgy of death. Well, I guess if that stuff happens, you just didn't harvest your wishing tree enough. Oh, I mean you didn't nurture the strength of your spirit.

Two,"Do not distress yourself with dark imagining."

Ok, don't imagine dark things, because you might stress yourself out? That's fucking dodo talk. Obviously, you shouldn't spend your day fantasizing about chaos, carnage and mayhem. You might turn into the Joker, and we all know what happened to that guy. Chances are, if you spend your waking hours dreaming about cutting people's faces off, the last thing you need is some new-age hippie telling you not to do it. I doubt a 140 character tweet is going to provide you with the solutions you need to "find your center", what ever the fuck that means. Talking in language like this is equivalent to telling someone not to look at the sun because it will hurt their eyes. No shit. You'll find that almost every pseudoscience out there, from horoscopes to tarot, uses language like this. It's vague and it applies to everyone. That's why you identify with it.

Three,"Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness."

What the fuck does that even mean? Many fears. Tired and lonely. Scared because I'm tired and nobody will fuck me? What the shit does that mean? Let's rope it in, Moonbeam? I went and read some of the other brilliant twats by this person, and they are all filled with the same dime-store, hackneyed, flaccid and generally worthless attempts to provide some sort of positive reinforcement. People that talk like this and think like this make me want to shit on their magic rocks, and vomit on their individual books of Warmth and Vibration.

This type of thinking is rampant in our culture. People admonish various religions in this country for how outlandish and silly they are (see also; Scientology, Mormonism, etc.), but have no problem with the concept that stars, spirits, vibrations, angels or any other arbitrary nonsense could possibly effect their lives. Seriously, what ever happened to logic? If people took a second to listen to the crazy shit that came out of them, maybe they'd realize that they are just as fucking silly as all those people who believe they will rule their own planet as a living god some day.

"Even a brick wants to be something... Aspire. Anything common and ordinary has the potential to be brilliant!!!"

No, dummy, a brick is a brick. It's a rock. It doesn't want to be anything because it doesn't have a brain. Clearly, neither do you.

Blogger droid

I'm trying this new app I found for my phone... Isn't it so awesome that I can waste more time pissing and moaning while I should be doing other things? Vagina.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.7

All I do is win.

I'm feeling you, Charlie. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

I left the phone off the hook

So, I'm debating setting up my own domain name, and combining all of my various blogs into one central site. It'd be way easier to keep up with all of them, and make it easier for anyone remotely interested in reading the random and inane bullshit I write. I'm really serious about keeping up with the thoughts and whatnot. I'd also like to have a place less retarded than facebook to keep my art. It'd be cool if I could sell a piece of artwork some day, even though I've not really ever tried to sell one.

Anyways, I heard about this pretty neato little app for Apple that essentially blocks out all the internet bullshit, chat windows, google search etc. and let's you write in privacy. It's just a stripped down, basic black and green word processing app called Writeroom. It's pretty cool. I don't have Apple, so I tracked down a version of it for windows, called Dark Room, which can be downloaded here: dark-room

Also, I'm wondering what the fuck is a Lady Antebellum. So, this band/chick/musical group won some Grammy awards and whatnot, which is cool, I guess. I don't want to seem like a hater, but the song is pretty standard pop-country bubblegum type stuff. I guess that's what people are into. I don't get it. Aside from that, I'm confused about an Antebellum. Is she like Lady Period Before the War? Is she a type of bulldog?

Country music certainly isn't my thing. Having said that, I actually went and looked up the specifics about the name of this group. From Answers.com, "We got together, you know, as just songwriters. Became friends and started writing songs. And we wanted to put up a MySpace page. So we wanted to take pictures to put on MySpace to get people's attention, and we ended up going out outside of Nashville to this little town. It's this historic town called Franklin, Tennessee, and there's tons of antebellum homes with the columns, like, from Gone With the Wind. And we ended up in front of these houses, and Charles, the other lead singer in the group, he kind of looked back through the pictures and said, "Wow, that's a really beautiful antebellum home." And I said, "What does that mean?" I didn't know what it meant. But after he explained it to me, I was like, "Oh, yeah. It is. It's really pretty." And he goes, "Isn't that a cool word?" And then we just put a bunch of words in front of it, and "Lady" is what stuck. "
*Antebellum - Latin for, 'before the war'. In this case, specifically, the American Civil War.

Well, I don't know about you, but now that I have that useless fucking information, I feel so much better. I find it annoying how vacuous pop-culture is. Here's a group making music for, in my opinion, lonely housewives and sad 13 year old girls, doing nothing at all original or groundbreaking, being showered with adoration and praise. Now, I'm not a musician, and I'm sure they are very nice people, but to me, this is not good music. Yeah, but that's my opinion, I could be wrong. They could be really fucking amazing, right? I mean, who am I to judge?

Especially when you consider that this is light fare to me:

That was pretty shitty, right? I'm positive that there are people who will watch that video and think that my trash talk applies to Cannibal Corpse, too, in one shape or another. would I ever go to their message boards or forums and shit that out on their page? No. Not a chance. And that's because to me, What's even more annoying to me than pop-culture is the legion of mouthy, shitty cunts that spend their time TRASHING people who are successful. I understand that music, like art, film, comedy and the sort is so totally subjective. I get that. What I see and enjoy is in no way indicative of what's actually "good", whatever that even really means. I honestly think there is some definable quality in regards to skill or creativity, and that's fine to debate. Trashing someone who is hacky and mundane, or who rips off other people's creativity and hard work is understandable. To me though, coming out and just flaming someone for making an attempt to create something worthwhile in this world is a pretty transparent way of shitting on those with more courage or more opportunity than you. It's possible to make your opinion known, or criticize without just bagging on someone's blood, sweat and tears. Making the distinction between what you don't care for and what is actually bad is kind of important, you know, so you're not just a cunty bag of hot hate.

I think the same concept applies to the whole Justin Bieber thing. People spend so much time just FUCKING HATING this kid. I don't get it. I'd never listen to his music, and I would seriously never waste my time trashing his fans. Think about it: Who listens to Justin Bieber? Fucking 10 to 15 year old girls listen to Justin Bieber! Here's the kicker of the whole argument: I only ever heard of this kid because so many people talked shit about him. I don't know anything about the kid. I mean, he's some pretty, young, prepubescent white boy who is making really simple pop music that is marketed at young kids his age. The concept of making what is essentially a lab crafted marketing tool and passing it off as music disturbs the shit out of me, but to shit on some kid who is really just caught in a tornado of success that's been utterly thrust upon him seems to defeat the purpose. It seems like a lot of wasted time and energy to me. Couldn't you devote your Justin Bieber trolling time to something a bit more constructive? Maybe you could learn a skill instead of pissing on a teenager and his fans. I think it's ok to make your point about what you THINK, but it's important to remember that it's just your fucking opinion. In my opinion, Lady Gaga sucks, but I wouldn't ever attack HER as a person to make myself feel better about the shit life I live from the comfort of my warm basement bedroom. That shit is so fucking pathetic. Most people that talk shit on the internet would NEVER say half of what they say in real life, to a person they met on the street.

That's really what the internet is to me, at the bottom line; just a haven for weak, shitty people who spend their time attacking people for trying to do things they don't have the balls to do themselves. That sucks. The internet is such an amazing tool with so much potential, being wasted on all these fucking shitheads who can't create anything worth a hobo's shit break themselves.

Look around. Every video, blog, facebook update or anywhere people can freely leave their opinion is full of all this hateful, spiteful vitriol. It's an ocean of jag offs just stamping their balls on everything they disagree with. The internet is like one giant bar full of underage drunk minors who can't control the higher functions of their brains.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, while I don't like Lady Antebellum, and I think their music is garbage, that's just my opinion. At the end of the day, I don't know shit about shit, including the people involved with making the music. I'm totally entitled to my opinion, and you should be, too. Having said that, why is it difficult to respect other people's efforts and opinions? They have an audience and people that like them, so clearly they have talent and skill. Unless you have something constructive to add to the debate, shouldn't you maybe just shut the fuck up?

Been a bit.

So it's been a really long time since I've done any blogging, but I am going to try to become more consistent with the writing here. I'm kind of in the mode to be writing and chatting lately. I've been listening to a lot of podcasts lately, and doing a lot more reading too. So, if you read it, check back from time to time.

So, today I went on my first food adventure for this little journal of consumption. While out at Walgreens, buying very expensive lotion for my super silky skin during my lunch break, I was perusing the frozen food section with a sort of detached musing. I’m fat, and frozen microwavable food fits the general décor of my body. While I wasn’t really LOOKING for anything in particular, I found what I thought was an amazing little discovery: a microwavable pizza puff. I mean, how fucking awesome is it to find a pizza puff you can cook in 4 minutes? So, like the portly slob I am, I took advantage of the two for 3 dollar deal, grabbed a bag of kettle chips and paid for my lotion/pizza puff/ chip lunch.

Awesome.

So, I get back to the shrine of instant gluttony, also known as the microwave, to nuke me up some fucking pizza puff goodness. As I remove the puff from the plastic, I notice a thick sheet of crystalline ice adorning my pocket of pizza goodness. This is never a good sign. This typically indicates, from my experience, that the food has thawed to some degree and then been refrozen, or has been in the freezer for way too long. Not a huge deal; just a little freezer burn to make your food taste bland and flavorless. Anyways, the puff has a crisper sleeve, which I hate. Also, the puff is stuck to the fucking thing so I literally have to peal it off. I’m struck with a brief tinge of regret as I place the pastry into its little cardboard sock and put it in the microwave for “3-4 minutes”.

The first thing that hits my nostrils is not the pleasant scent of cooking pizza-like filling. Oh no, it’s the smell of melting plastic. What the shit? What the hell is melting? Oh, it’s my three dollar microwaveable lunch slash food substance! I open the microwave in a panic and notice, much like the Grinch’s heart, my pizza puff grew three sizes bigger, and is also looking like some sort of natural disaster waiting to happen. So I pull it out and burn the FUCK out of my hand on this molten pillow of paper and crust. It has cooked to a crisp, golden color by now, as if it were actually meant to look the way it does. Now, I have the arduous task of unsheathing the coal hot puff from its crisping blanket. Like some Philadelphia Experiment gone awry, it has literally fused to the inside of the crisping sleeve. I peel it off like so much dead skin on a burn victim, and let it cool like some disjointed and tiny bag of popcorn that’s been opened all wrong.

Yeah, I’m still going to try and eat the fucking thing, too. I mean, who knows? Maybe it will be yummy and delicious, right?

Fuck you. The crust has developed into a light and fluffy, yet cardboard consistency, leaving an utter mess of flake all over the fucking place. When I can find a spot that’s not quite the temperature of the sun, I try to pick it up and take a bite. Eventually, I am able to bore my way to the center of the fail puff, and much like the center of the earth, it’s hot enough to melt your fucking face off. While there was a fairly reminiscent flavor to it, after my tongue was able to taste again, when combined with the inedible and burned crust, it had actually become some new thing. It was not quite food, but not quite demon-born planet inhabited by my fucking melted taste buds.

I begrudgingly munched little bits here and there, while I tried to fix the OBVIOUS error in cooking time with the second one. I know there must have been something to salvage, and like a dumb fuck, I convince myself that it just needs less cooking time to be moderately edible.

The second pizza fail I put on for three minutes, which is the minimum cooking time for this toxic-waste-shoulda-been-a-hot-pocket meal. By now, the room smells like lost hope and burning anyways, so I get no nasal feedback as it cooks. The machine dings, and I am greeted by a much less burned but equally puffy pastry. It has again expanded to the size of a fucking house, and I again have to peal it like a molten banana from its cardboard coffin.

Long story short, this one, while tasting a lot less like a burned tire, still has the consistency of a flame broiled KFC biscuit, minus the loving affectations of meat gravy. It fell apart in a crumby mess, much like the previous one, but I was actually able to tear it in half to see its bloody innards. It was much too hot to eat, and as it cooled, the outer shell hardened like the skin of a reptile, to the point it was more like a cement container for pizza lava.

I lovingly wept its death as I discarded the microwavable nightmare into the trash. Also, the chips were made by Kettle, but weren’t, in fact, kettle chips. They sucked. Kettle Brand chips suck. I’m just saying.Also, here’s some pictures.